The “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” Hero Everyone Forgets About

In my last post, I mentioned how inconsistent the original four-part Texas Chainsaw Massacre series is and said they should have reused more characters/actors to better connect the stories, instead of introducing so many new ones each time. Obviously, they could have done more with Sally. She’s written off as catatonic in Part 2, then killed in Leatherface without appearing in either. Teri McMinn believes her character, Pam, survived being hung on the meathook and frozen, which isn’t completely impossible. She posted some creative writing to Facebook in 2013 (in response to the first requel, I’m guessing) where Pam wakes up and sneaks out the backdoor to freedom. And what about Stretch? What happens to her? The same goes for the Sawyer clan. Leatherface is played by four different actors of varying size and winds up with no less than seven “brothers”, a mom, a daughter, at least one desiccated grandfather figure, and several accomplices. It’s hella confusing. I think we can all agree, Leatherface and The Next Generation would be stronger sequels if some of the lesser family members were swapped out for the Cook, the Hitchhiker, or Chop Top. I know they die, but that’s never stopped horror villains before.

One character I wish they would have brought back is the unsung hero of Part 1, Cattle Truck Driver. Sally’s unnamed savior arrives at just the right moment to eliminate one family member and help her escape another. The actor’s name is Ed Guinn, which sounds suspiciously similar to “Ed Gein”, who the movie was loosely based on. Guinn had an uncredited cameo in Part 2 as a chili cook-off judge — you can see him on the left side of the screen when Drayton accepts his award — however, what I want is a full-fledged reprisal of Cattle Truck Driver. Guinn is still going strong and is active on the convention circuit, so let’s make this happen.

At the end of Part 1, Sally “[breaks] out of a window in Hell”, as Part 2 puts it, and starts down the cannibal family’s neverending driveway toward the road, pursued by the Hitchhiker and Leatherface. The Hitchhiker is close enough to grab her whenever he wants, but savors the hunt, giggling and slashing her back with a razor. He chases her right into traffic, where he’s unexpectedly run down by an 18-wheeler named Black Maria. I love how the movie starts with roadkill and ends with roadkill. It really ties it together. The driver of the truck gets out to verify that what he hit was a human and sees Sally limping toward him screaming bloody murder. Leatherface rounds the back of his truck with a running chainsaw, prompting the driver to pivot and pull Sally into his cab. Fortunately, Leatherface just stands there for a few seconds dinging up the door instead of trying the handle or jabbing his weapon through the open window.

Credit: Tubi TV

Nobody thinks clearly here. The truck driver and Sally should speed off, but hop out the gay passenger side (it says “G-AY” on it) and continue on foot. The driver becomes the only character to get a shot in at Leatherface when he turns and bonks him square in the forehead with a pipe wrench, causing Leatherface to fall backward and saw through his leg — according to Guinn, a slab of meat atop a metal plate inside Gunnar Hansen’s pants. The driver’s quick thinking allows Sally to hop in the bed of a pickup, surviving long enough to tell her tale to police.

As for him, well, he keeps on running, right out of frame. Some say he’s still running to this day. It would be awesome to see him randomly run through the background of a sequel or even an unrelated movie, stopping to throw wrenches when needed.

The makers of Texas Chainsaw 3D failed to see the potential. They tried to do him dirty. In an alternate scene contained on the DVD, he’s shown hanging from a meathook in the farmhouse slaughter room. Thankfully, someone had the sense to cut that sacrilege from the final film, meaning it never happened and Cattle Truck Driver lives on.

I’m not saying he should have a big role if he ever comes back. One scene is all I ask. Realistically, I’m envisioning him being interviewed by a reporter. So, how ’bout it, Hollywood? Give the people what they want and do the character justice this time.

“Let me tell you, that shit was cracker crazy.”